One week from today

I will have completed my FIRST 1/2 marathon!
I'm sooo excited and even more excited that I get something from here:

Okay, so I admit, I originally signed up for the 1/2 marathon when I learned I would receive a tiffany necklace at the finish line. But, that faded because really, I've wanted to run with Leukemia, Lymphoma Society for many years.


In 1984, I lost my best friend to leukemia. Jenny was only 20 years old. We met in high school, cheerleaders for our sport teams. She was my ONLY female friend in high school because she was not a back stabber. We both shared the same views about high school drama. When I got married way too young, she was right there by my side. And after the birth of my first baby, she stayed with me a week even though she had recently been diagnosis with leukemia.
She lived only 1 year after diagnosis. In those years, there was not much but chemo. She tried a bone marrow transplant but it wasn't a good match. She suffered a lot at the end, doped on enough morphine to kill ten horse but barely touched her pain. I still scream inside on the unfairness of it all.

On October 19, I will run in her memory. A dear friend, whom I miss greatly still today. Her smile, I still see clearly in my head.

Work humor

Work has sure kicked my ass over the last month.
I think the last 2 weeks have been particularly tough because my days off were spent with my sis at her medical appointments.

I would not have missed the appointments for anything but it did get my ass.

I'm a Midwife, delivering babies in the hospital setting. My shift when I am in the hospital is 24 hours. I live an hour away so on my 24's I need to stay in the hospital.

I LOVE,LOVE my job. If we are meant to have a "calling" in life, this is definitely mine.

I know I said I LOVE my job (or was that LOVE,LOVE?) but the other night I was way tired and a bit cranky. I was quiet all day (always a bad sign). I was ready to settle in for the night and the phone rang. the nurse says I have a pt. in labor.

I drag my cranky ass out to the nurses' station and put a fake smile on before I enter the patients. room.

As I open the door, I'm greeted by this:
(all names changed for privacy)
girl: "Tom, I want an epidural."
Tom:"honey, you don't want an epidural. The feeling of pain is all in your head. Remember your birth plan?"
girl:(crying) I didn't know it would hurt this bad. seriously, I can't do..sobs louder now..fuck, here's another one."
Tom:"take a cleansing breath. Okay, the contrac
He's interrupted by blood curdling scream.
Girl is sobbing now. "Oh God, oh God.. I..I think..

And just like something out of a scary movie, she spews green shit ALL over TOM. It is literally dripping off him.

It was one of the most disgusting and funniest things I have ever seen.

Tom excused himself rather quickly. I heard later he threw up in the bathroom.

Girl got her epidural.

She delivered at 4 am:( F!

Whew!

Very good news today.
The oncologist feels Lisa most likely doesn't have Lymphoma. He took his time, explain everything thoroughly so we both could understand. He wants to look at her slides from her biopsy done back in March. He said she may need another biopsy but will not know until he reviews the slides. In regards to the PET scan being positive?
He is not concerned. The PET scan is not diagnostic.
Lisa has a follow up appointment 10/30.

I don't think I have ever seen my sister smile that big. Even at her wedding.
What relief she must feel after a loooong agonizing weekend believing she had cancer.

Man I needed a cocktail but I knew I had a long drive home so I had a coffee instead.

I had a glass of wine when I got home:)

Not so good news.

Yesterday I went with my sister to a Doctors appointment. she had went to this Doctor for a second opinion after she was told she had Lymphoma and then "oops" you don't.

Working in the medical profession i find myself critical of others in the same field.
I was not so happy with this Doctor's communication skills.

He entered the room without so much as a "hello" or "how are you". Instead, he enters the room and says "well, all your lab work is normal". My sister Lisa looked at me and smiled. I said "we're not done yet.

Next, without washing his hands, he started his exam. little bitch sister that I am found myself saying aloud "Shouldn't you wash your hands?" His facial expression definitely spoke louder than words and his reply was exactly what I expected. "I washed them before I entered the room." Yea, right.

After he felt up Lisa's neck he looked at her PET scan. Mumbling to himself I heard the word "Positive". Again, little bitch sister says "so what does that mean?"
Doctor: There are some hot spots.

Little bitch sister:Hot spots? what exactly does this tell you?

Doctor: Suspicious

Little bitch sister: (Highly annoyed) Suspicious for WHAT???

Doctor: Cancer. Lymphoma.

Lisa sunk on the exam table. She didn't want to hear these words.

The Doctor then told us that he would have to do another biopsy because the wonderful facility in Lake Havasu Arizona, where Lisa lives, fucked up and didn't perform the right test on the samples obtain from her first biopsy.
WTF?

She also needs to see an Oncologist to form a plan "in case" it's cancer.
Tuesday, she will have this appointment.

Lisa has decided to hold on to the hope that she doesn't have cancer. She said to me after the appointment "maybe I just have big lymph nodes".

Maybe so. I hope so.

I should be asleep but

here I am blogging.

I ignored a call from a man that I've been blind e-mailing (like a blind date but by e-mail). I was watching project runway and didn't want to be bother.

How the hell can I possibly find HIM if I'm not willing to be "bothered".
This guy seems pretty nice but honestly, I'm afraid to fall in love again.

I haven't been on a date since I broke up with my long time boyfriend 3 years ago. I've had a hard time mending my heart. Yet, in the process, I have learned so much about me. Being alone taught me how to be alone and not lonely.
In fact, I'm rarely lonely. It creeps in on occasion, in bed when I want to snuggled.

Seems though, that my being alone bothers everyone else. I get the comments "He's out there for you". "Keep looking". "Your standards are too high".
It's all bullshit. The pool of datable men actually is just a wading pool and I will not lower my standards out of fear of being alone.

I'll call him tomorrow.

My signiture

Thanks so much Julie.
I love it:)

Seven random things about me

I felt a challenage to post 7 random things about me so here I go.

1. As a teenager I spent 8-9 hours at the beach. I hardly ate and rarely drank any water. This random thing leads into the second random thing..
2. that one day while riding my bike home from the beach, I passed out. While riding my bike.
3.I use to ride the bus to random places because I had a crush on the bus driver.
4.I was taken by ambulance to the hospital from a Ted Nugent concert because my friend left me passed out in the bathroom stall (nice friend huh).
5.I love clean sheets.
6.I like to watch people I don't know and try to figure out their story.
7.I'm afraid to date.

Whew!